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This mama bear and her heart...

It's March 2, 2020 and after Justin (my wonderful hubby) and I put Teddy down for bed this evening I thought "I want to finally put away all of my maternity clothes"

The journey and adventure I have had as a new mama bear has been so many things: joyful, tiring, long days, long nights, tears of happiness and tears of sadness, feelings of loneliness, yet feeling like I am so blessed... It has been over a year since the Lord allowed me to give birth to my son, and almost two years since I found out my prayer to become a mama to a baby that I would someday have the chance to give birth to was finally here. After giving birth I was ready to get back to my "pre-baby-weight" of 162lbs, but after giving birth your body is not like it once was...you don't bounciest back like you use to. What do I mean?! Well, I'm a photographer, and I've had the opportunity to photography many different events, but one of my favorites are weddings. So after giving birth in February my husband and I have a wedding to photography in May (almost two and a half months after Teddy is born) piece of cake! Not exactly...my everyday normal events became slightly challenging. I was so tired the following day. Learning about how God creates a baby in the womb, to allow this baby to be born through me, and then the recovery...I was not as prepared after giving birth about my body as much as I was prepared during my pregnancy and delivery. 

Ok...so for those of you I have shared my mindset and struggle with know  how I see myself. I have struggled with seeing myself not just as beautiful but beautiful like the Lord sees beauty and goodness in all He creates "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

This world and some of the people in it are so hurt, wounded, and broken that they want others to be hurt, wounded and broken like them. So because they want to make themselves feel better they will use words that cut so very deep, and those words can weigh down the happiest of people. I was one of them...I want to share with you my story and struggle I have in my heart that the Lord is still to this day healing, and helping my overcome how I see myself as beautiful. 

Fat...Ugly...Disgusting...words that cut me, shamed me, and made me feel worthless as a young girl, young lady, and young adult. The pain of these words cut so deep in my spirit that I began to believe them to be truth...that I wasn't beautiful, and no one would or could love me. I never paid attention to what I looked liked much until middle school/high school. Everyone wants to be special, popular, cool. you name it...I lived in a world were I believed everyone had something special and I was missing out on it. I wanted to "fit in", be "skinny" "pretty" "someone special". Why? because I believed lies told to me through silly movies, magazines, and kids I thought were my friends. 

But God is so good...after moving to Guam, the Lord worked on my heart to bring me back to him. To remind me that He had a special plan and purpose for my life. That I was special to someone...Him! My creator, the one who "created my inner most parts in my mother womb..." Psalm 139:13 That I was created to be someone and do great things to bring honor and glory to Him. That the brokenness in my sprit, the lies that I believed were truth, were washed away and He was taking my broken heart, my broken sprit, all of me to make me whole. 

Where dose this leave me tonight? Well, I have packed away all of my maternity clothes, there is a part of me that wants to keep some out for comfort, but God, the one who knows me better than anyone, the one who speaks truth to my sprit when lies of years past want to attack, He reminded me tonight, Liz, you are not that person you thought you were as a middle/high schooler. You have grown into a beautiful child of mine, a daughter of a King, an encouraging wife, an amazing mama bear. You are special, you are beautiful, you are My MASTERPIECE! 

On March 2, 2020 I am reminded that God created me, that I have a purpose in this life, God loves me, and He is working on my heart daily. He is helping me to stay motivated and love me where I am. One of my 2020 goals was to get to pre-baby weight by Teddy's first birth day (Feb.24) As of his birthday I was 172, 10ibs left to go before I hit one of my weight loss goals. And I can honestly say to you I am not disappoint in how God has changed me and my heart. I am not disappointed in the progress I have made with myself this past year, but encouraged and ready to meet my goal. 

I pray this encourages you all. And to remind you who created you! You are special! You are beautiful. You are loved! Don't believe the lies of those who have hurt you in the pass, forgive them and give them to God. He is bigger and stronger than anything that wants to attack us. "If God is for us, then who can be against us" Romans 8:31


Until next time
mama bear
Liz 

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